i am born, flesh and blood and brain, maybe even something beyond that. in front of me are so, so many ideas. from the dawn of our existance is a search for what is or what could come to be, various belief systems and morals instilled in us entirely. and i sit and wonder which one, of all of them, could be correct.
when i was young i would be sit in the back of the quiet car, finding entertainment in making none of it seem real, before calming myself into reality, into consciousness, into what is right. i still do this now, i lose my head, although it is mainly involuntary. so suddenly having no idea where i am, what time it is, who these people are, what i'm doing. it's like i am suddenly out of my own skull, watching myself from some other perspective i can't even comprehend. for a moment nothing makes sense. everything is a mirror of itself, and everything flows into me and through me and over my small, small body. it's frightening, but sometimes i can see clearer.
from this, as well as my conscious ideas, i form my own sort of religion. i pick things from multiple texts of multiple religions/belief systems (christianity, islam, hinduism, buddhism, etc....) and from this, these visions and ideas are suddenly clear, of course it is, perfectly crafted for my own mind. but, this is not to say what i believe in is right. unlike other religions, in which you must think that your belief is the only correct one, and that all others are mere distractions, i think we will all interact with the universe, with god, with existence, in different ways, and it is entirely possible for two opposing ideas to exist simultaneously somehow.
in no way am i a good thinker. in no way am i intellegent, or speaking from a point of high education. none of what i say is a revelation to the world, the product of years of study and understanding. i merely feel what i do, and my thoughts are based off of very little besides my own mind and what is whispered to me from sources beyond my own plane.
note: i am not on any medication or psychedellics. NOR have i ever been.